Mac's Musings

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The Death of a Great Comedian

I know this is late, but I loved this man for all the laughter and light he brought to this world.

Still hard to believe that he is gone.  What makes it harder is that for all the light and laughter he brought us it was the crushing darkness of depression that took him away from us.  Someone so eager and able and ready to put a smile on your face was someone who couldn’t smile or laugh truly themselves.

This hits really close to home for me.  I know what depression is like.  I’ve had clinging darkness in me since I was 12 years old and it eats away at you, until there so is no more light and you scream and scream for someone to help you but you don’t know what you need to help fight back against this thing that consumes you.

I can’t even type all this without the water works.

I’ve been having a pretty bad episode this week too, it started a few days before he died.  And so finding out that a man who brought me so much laughter during my childhood, who helped me find light in that darkness has succumbed himself seems to have given fuel to my own depression and has sent me into times when I’m fighting to keep a straight face.  Trying so hard not to runaway and burst into tears.  And if you ask me what’s wrong, I couldn’t tell you.  I just know it hurts and I can’t make it stop.

But you don’t have to worry that my story will end that same as Robin’s.  I won’t and can’t do it. 

Just as Boggle the Owl says, I just grab another stick and keep on fighting.

But it still hurts to have someone like Robin Williams to that clinging darkness in our soul that takes root and is called Depression.

If it ever gets that bad, you have to think about the people you have touched in your life or who have touched you.  They WILL care that you’ve died, moreover that you caused your OWN death.  And then that same darkness you fought could take hold of them and the cycle repeats.  Talk to someone, because with just a few words or silence itself they might be able to shine so light and show you a path that’s a little farther from that Darkness.

And so with this, I will adding a new story that I will added to the navigation at the top.  The title for how will be : Shadow Falls.  It will be about depression and how the main character struggles to fight that growing darkness within.

I love you Robin, and I will miss you with all my heart.  I wish I could have met you and talked to you and let you see how much you helped to lighten my load and show me a path farther from the darkness that consumes everything.  I wish I could have helped you.


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This entry was posted on August 15, 2014 by in Life, Shadow Falls.


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